Cat and Mouse
by quote' intangible
Summary: Kakashi is brutally tortured on a mission, and while tending to his broken lover, Iruka starts to wonder if being a shinobi is really worth this pain. Warnings: alludes to rape, nothing graphic or explicit, though; established kakairu


**Disclaimer: ** The following story is a work of fanfiction. The author is not making any money off of it. Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. Not even the title belongs to me, I got it from the song Cat and Mouse by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

**Warnings: **Alludes to rape, though it isn't explicitly mentioned or described and mentions of yaoi, though again, nothing graphic

The night was dark. The moon hid behind the clouds. Raindrops dripped steadily from the night sky and pitter-pattered on the hard ground like fingers on a piano. Thunder rumbled softly in the distance.

It was late, so very, very late, but Iruka sat at the dinner table with a cup of hot tea and his lesson plan for the next two months in his hand. His lesson plans did not need revision, nor were there any assignments to grade or paperwork to finish. He should have gone to bed already.

But something told him to stay up; some feeling clawed at the back of his mind refusing to let him sleep. And there was an odd sort of pain, an ache really deep in chest that had settled over his worried heart in his sleep three weeks ago. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't lessen the pain and somehow Iruka knew that his love was terribly hurt.

He watched the rain patter against the still slightly open window.

He couldn't bring himself to close the window. Even though Kakashi was four weeks late, Iruka still imagined that Kakashi would walk through that window with his signature smile, as healthy as the day he left. But then he felt the ache in his heart and the sorrow attached to it.

He had gone to talk to Tsunade about it, a week after the strange ache made a permanent residence in his chest and she had done nothing but give a grim smile and sad speech full of false hope. The next day, she'd sent out a team, Genma and Raidou in particular, to find the silver haired shinobi. Iruka knew then, the moment he watched them leave the gates of Konoha, that Kakashi was not going to be walking through his window, that Kakashi wasn't going to smile at him and gather him in his arms as Iruka gave him a welcome home kiss. Iruka knew there was a chance Kakashi wasn't coming home at all.

But he couldn't let himself believe it. So the window remained opened in vain hope.

A slight knock on the door and a mumbled curse had Iruka jumping from his chair and rushing towards the front door. _He never uses the door…unless…_

Iruka swung the door open and froze at the sight that greeted him. His heart seized painfully and his body refused to cooperate. Instead he stood there in dumb, horrified shock.

Genma, Kakashi's oldest and closest friend, stood in the doorway. The honey haired shinobi's brows were knitted in worry and his eyes radiated concern and just underneath the surface, pain. Iruka's heart nearly stopped.

Kakashi was cradled, bridal style, in the senbon's specialist arms. Iruka could see trembles wracking the pale body. The hand not in a makeshift cast clutched desperately at Genma's vest. His lover's eyes were wide with terror as he mumbled incoherently.

"Kakashi." Tentatively Iruka reached forward only to have Kakashi flinch away from his hand. The dolphin turned dark, questioning eyes toward Genma as he stepped aside and let the older man carry his love towards the bedroom.

"It…it doesn't look good, Iruka, but I couldn't take him to the hospital, not like this," Genma whispered softly. "It's…" Genma choked unable to continue as a dark look flittered across his gaze.

Worry and doubt ate away at Iruka's mind like termites on a log, but he remained calm and laid a soothing hand on Genma's arm. Genma tensed, but the gentle hand clamed him in ways only understanding could. The honey haired jounin raised his eyes to meet Iruka's concerned gaze and took a deep, relaxing breath, willing himself to go on.

"We-we found him bent over a table, s-strapped down and…gagged. He was drugged out of his mind on prizyne," Genma stuttered.

"Prizyne? What is that?" A bad feeling began to settle in his stomach as a shiver crawled down his spine.

"A nasty drug. A small vial will keep a person high for nearly 24 hours. They gave Kakashi enough to keep him high for at least another two days. It keeps the user calm and confused. Kakashi wouldn't…doesn't know his left foot from his right arm, if he even knows what limbs are right now. In that state, he'd be too confused to fight back." Genma laid Kakashi gently down on the bed.

"What did they do, Genma?" Iruka whispered fearfully. Genma stared down at Kakashi, but said nothing.

After a tense silence where Iruka's heart ached to the point it nearly stopped, Genma just shook his head. Iruka felt as if a knife had stabbed his heart at Genma's quiet refusal to answer and he knew that part of his heart died.

"Kakashi should start going through withdrawal tomorrow night," Genma whispered pulling Iruka from his horrified daze, "he'll experience fever, chills, vomiting, nightmares…just try to keep him calm and hydrated. Peppermint tea should help the most." Genma's voice became dark and low, "when the withdrawal is over, he'll remember everything that happened." Iruka felt like he had been stabbed in the heart all over again. "I-I'll stop by tomorrow …okay?"

Iruka knew how much the older shinobi loved Kakashi. They had been best friends since before Iruka even met the Copy-nin. They looked out for each other, cared for each other and had always been there for each other. Iruka knew Genma was just as shattered as he was. So Iruka did the only thing he could, he smiled and nodded at the distressed shinobi, trying to remain clam and reassuring for the older man. Tears brimmed on the edges of Genma's eyes and even in the dim light of the room, Iruka could see the man was trembling.

Iruka wanted to scream, cry and cuddle his injured lover, but he could not break down, not until Kakashi was okay and Genma cared for.

"You're going home to someone, right? It's okay if you stay here, Genma." Iruka did his best impression of a motherly voice.

"Yeah, yeah…Raidou," but Genma still looked unsure.

"Go," Iruka commanded softly, "we'll be okay. Everything will be alright," Iruka said though he didn't believe it himself. He led the troubled shinobi to the door. Raidou appeared at the door, suddenly, and Iruka handed over the trembling shinobi to the scarred jounin. Raidou nodded solemnly at Iruka before he disappeared with Genma.

Iruka returned shakily to his lover. Kakashi had curled up into a tight ball in the corner of the bed and was shivering violently. His eyes stared ahead in terror, but the older man had fallen silent.

Iruka approached cautiously and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached down to lovingly stroke the scarecrow's cheek, but Kakashi flinched again.

"What did they do to you, love?" He did not expect Kakashi to answer. He didn't even know if Kakashi could hear him. But the dark silence in the room was beginning to suffocate him. Iruka never did like silence.

Somewhere deep in his heart ached at the thought that his love was terrified of him. He decided it was best to just let Kakashi rest, alone, until the drugs wore off, but a dark stain spreading across the bed sheets had Iruka changing his mind.

"Oh god, love…"

Iruka pressed a hand to the back of his eyes to stop the tears as he stood carefully to retrieve the medkit. He took a few, long calming breaths before returning to his injured lover.

He'd never had to deal with anything like this before. Kakashi had come back from missions before distraught and injured, but Iruka had never seen his lover this vulnerable and lost. Iruka felt so useless, he felt crushed, defeated, and utterly hopeless.

In the six years they had been together, Iruka had seen Kakashi injured more times than a tree had branches. He had seen his lover worn down and distressed just as often. He had seen Kakashi break down, held his grey haired lover as he cried, Iruka had soothed the older man's pain, kissed his injuries, tended to the needs of his broken heart. But there was one thing he could never do for Kakashi…he could not fix him. He could not take away the pain, he could not heal the hidden injuries and he could never mend his sore and broken heart. But most importantly, Iruka could not stop Kakashi from being sent out again to be beaten down and hurt all over again.

Next time Iruka saw Tsunade he was going to demand that Kakashi be given a break, a long, relaxing break.

Iruka's chakra flared in anger and Kakashi flinched away from him. A wave of guilt and heartbreak washed over Iruka. He'd never thought his own lover could be afraid of him and it hurt terribly, though Iruka new it wasn't his fault.

Iruka knelt down next to the bed, eye level with the terrified jounin and smiled softly.

"I'm just going to take your clothes off and tend to your injuries. Okay?"

He didn't expect a response, nor was one given, but it soothed his mind, relaxed him and Iruka hoped it did the same for Kakashi.

It took Iruka two hours to bathe his lover and tend to all of his injuries. Kakashi had been completely complacent the entire time, never uttering a sound besides the occasional whimper and never moving on his own except to flinch away.

It had taken every once of will power he had not to left his nausea overwhelm him, but once he tucked the jounin into their bed Iruka could control his heaving stomach no longer. He found himself kneeling over the toilet, emptying his stomach into the porcelain bowl.

His mind was revolted by Kakashi's injuries. Never had he thought someone could be so cruel and inhuman to another human being.

Kakashi had been burned, whipped, beaten, bruised, his left arm broken and right knee shattered.

But that wasn't the worst of it all. He suddenly found Genma's words ringing through his mind. _We found him bent over a table, strapped down and gagged. _He should have been more prepared for it, should have known what he would find, but he hadn't wanted to believe it was true. Iruka hadn't wanted to believe that someone could actually do that to Kakashi. But with the evidence starring right at him he couldn't deny it anymore. It was like a slap in the face and he had been forced to walk away and collect himself.

And suddenly everything he thought he believed, everything Sandaime taught him about being a shinobi felt so false. He felt lied to, he felt utterly hopeless, he felt betrayed because nothing, nothing, not even the safety of the village was worth this.

And this was what he taught. He taught children to be warriors so that they could go out into the world and face the same terrors his lover could never quite erase from his memories. The same terrors that kept Kakashi up at night and sent him out to face death at the hands of Konoha's enemies. He wanted to say he taught to protect his village and those who couldn't protect themselves, but somehow he felt that even that wasn't true anymore. He never wanted anyone to have to go through what they had been through. He wouldn't wish their life on anyone, not even his worst enemies. But their village thrived on violence and in an imperfect world, they would never see the day where shinobi were not needed.

And it was all so wrong, this system of life, the world they lived in. It shouldn't have to be that way and yet it was the only way. But the pain they went through just to keep others happy? It just wasn't fair. It just wasn't right.

_No, _Iruka thought as he looked down at his tortured and abused lover, this definitely wasn't worth it.

Iruka crawled into bed with his love and gathered the injured man close. He stroked Kakashi's pale cheek, kissed his bruised lips and waited for the long night to be over.

And in the morning he would call Tsunade in tears, and somehow through the hysterical sobs he would manage to beg her to come over and heal Kakashi's shattered knee and broken arm.

And when tomorrow night came and feeling returned to Kakashi in waves of pain and anguish and all he could do was hold his lover close and kiss away the tears, Iruka would still wonder if it was really worth it. He'd curse his village and those who dared harm his love.

And Iruka would watch Kakashi suffer through the fever, chills, vomiting, and nightmares and would know that this would never end, never, even though it simply wasn't worth it.

And no matter how much Iruka may curse and scream or beg and cry, he could never change the graves dug out for them at birth.


End file.
